Thursday, November 10, 2011

Like a bird;

And maybe I'm not the type to sit back and watch things get better in time. Maybe I'm the type to fly away and find a new destiny.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


  I hate people.  I need to stop hating people.  I need to start loving people.  There's a quote from the book I'm reading, it's called The Glass Castle, by Jeanette Walls.  A very good read.

  "She added that you should never hate anyone, even your enemies.  'Everyone has something good about them, she said.  You have to find the redeeming quality and love the person for that.'  
   'Oh yeah?' I said, 'What about Hitler?  What was his redeeming quality?'
   'Hitler loved dogs," Mom said without hesitation."

Monday, November 7, 2011


Friday night football game with our rival team.



Tuesday, November 1, 2011


November is certainly my favorite month out of the entire year.

1. It's sneaky

  November is one of those months that just kind of sneaks up on you.  One moment, you're laying in the hot July sun, taking in its sweet rays.  The next, you're running around various stores trying to find a cozy winter coat because, well look, it's already November.

2. The first snow

  Oh, how giddy I become when I wake up on a cold November morning and snow is falling from the black sky.  My hair becomes crystallized with snowflakes and my eyes sparkle at the first sight of a very promising beginning to a beautiful season.

3. Thanksgiving

  I love food.  Seriously, you don't understand.  Thanksgiving dinner is my favorite, because that is the one day I can gorge myself with all the mashed potatoes and green bean casserole that I want without having to worry about people staring.  Not only that, but I love getting together with my Grandma and Papa, my cousins that I don't see hardly at all during the school year, and my aunt and my uncle and enjoying time together that is really becoming more and more difficult to grasp.

4.  It's mah BIRTHDAY month

  I'm not the biggest happiest kid on my birthday like a lot of people, but I do still feel slightly more special than usual.  And I'm okay with that.  Mostly, I just like that the first month I lived through was November.  When I was a little itty bitty infant, and my eyes were first seeing the outside world, I saw November leaves before I saw spring flowers.  I felt a snowflake before my mom took me swimming.  I can't remember it, but I sure can feel it.  November feels magical to me.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


  I want to know why we define beauty as waist and breast size, how well her concealer covers her flaws, how soft and shiny her hair is, how tight her clothes fit or how much money she has to spend on them.  That's not beauty.  That will never be beauty.  Forget what society tells you, forget what those stupid meat head jerks say to each other, forget all of it.  Beauty is a state of fucking mind.  The way you walk is beautiful, the way you handle yourself is beautiful, the way you cry when no one is looking is beautiful.  Fuck, the way you cry when everyone is beautiful.  You are a beautiful human being.  You're extraordinary.  There is not one single person on this planet that thinks and acts like you do; embrace it.  Embrace your soft tummy.  Haven't you seen the famous paintings?  Girls aren't meant to be skin and bones!  Embrace that pimple on your forhead or that scar on your cheek.  You were born to be here, exactly as you are.  Fucking own it.

Thursday, October 20, 2011


If you honestly gave a fuck, you would give an honest attempt to act like it.

Thursday, October 13, 2011


  I have been considering career options quite a bit here lately, and two of my favorites include being a journalist or a photographer.  Last year, I took a journalism class at my high school and I am on the yearbook staff this year.  I'm also the historian for my choir, and I enjoy both writing and photography a lot.  I simply cannot decide.  Niether careers are the smartest choices, necessarily, in Michigan where the jobs are scarce and those two are always high in demand.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Welcome to Autumn. (first photo post in ages)

Biggby Coffee.

Friend Alyson and I, at my high school.

Kayden.  18 months.

School at nighttime.

Lucian.  16 months.

Sister's step stool.

Taken while in the car.



Sydney, sister, three years and four months old.

Best friend Darcy, at school.

Taken on a school bus.

Ring that my boyfriend gave me for my birthday, which isn't until November.


School's parking lot, at night.



My guitar in it's case, before a lesson at The Music Box.



Renew & Restore

  Today, I was reading the book "Farenheit 451", written by Ray Bradbury for my American Literature class.  I was sitting in a little room in the back of the library, meant for privacy while you read or work.  Once I finished my reading, I packed up my things and exited the room.  I glanced at the shelves of the library, which I try not to do because I already have a stack of book sitting at home, worlds awaiting my arrival.  When I took my glance, a certain spine of a certain book caught my eye.  It looked, for lack of a better word, old.  Like an antique.  Navy blue with gold accents, I went to it.  For some reason, I was pulled to the book, sort of like a magnet.  That happens sometimes; I'm not entirely sure why.

  The title of the book, "East of Eden", by John Steinbeck.  If you haven't heard of this book, maybe you're familiar with "Grapes of Wrath".  He is a wonderful writer, so I hear.  I've never read any of his stories.  I opened up to one of the first pages, a beautiful acknowledgment.  I wish I had written down the words, because they were beautiful.  Once I check out the book for myself, I will post them.

  I love old books.  I get it from my father.  I can remember on the vacations we went on when I was little, we always picked a day to visit all the antique stores.  He searched for books.  He bought them, he read them, and he re-reads them.  I love that about him.  He re-reads books.  The shelves in his living room extend against an entire wall, and they touch the ceiling.  They are full of his beautiful antique books, along with other things from the past.  An old hourglass, different bullets that were used in World War II, pictures of my French relatives that are long gone now.  Pictures and pictures and pictures.  I love my father, and I wish I saw more of him than I do.

  I hope that you all are having a lovely Wednesday.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

If you love me, won't you let me go.

My days have been long.

I feel like all of my posts are apologies for taking so long.  I really thought that I'd have more time to blog, but it seems I'm even busier now.

I spend my days going to school, spending time with my boy, doing homework and laundry.

I fear that I've lost the friendships that I've worked so hard to keep.


Saturday, September 3, 2011

I'm really just in a terrible mood.  I need some cookies.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Life at the moment.

Oh, my.

Oh my oh my oh my.  I have neglected my blog for so very long.  I apologize, greatly, to all thirteen of you who follow me.  It has been a very, very busy summer.  I haven't had much access to a computer, and when I do, my time is so rushed.  I can't sit down and let all my thoughts move my fingers across the keys to create a decent blog post.

However, school will be back in session Tuesday.  This means my life will contain structure once again and I will also have daily access to a computer!  Yay!

This summer has most certainly been a beautiful and inspiring one.  I've made a lot of discoveries about myself, my religious beliefs, my relationships with other people, what I'm good at, etc.  It brings me a great peace of mind and I am so happy to be starting school in such a good state.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I close my eyes and I see your smile.
It's nice,
I haven't seen it in a while.
And the gleam in your eyes
Is brighter than before
And it makes me wonder,
What's missing?
But then I shake this thought away,
Because, well,
It makes me sad.
I don't like being sad.

I'm watching Bambi right now.  It has got to be one of the cutest movies.  I love the sweet innocence of the baby animals.  Young innocence truly is a beautiful thing.  The way that the little rabbits befriend Bambi reminds me of little kids and the way that they see each other with their hearts and not their eyes.  When you're that little, it has nothing to do with what you look like or what you wear.  And rabbits and deer, friends?  That's preposterous!  But their innocence pushes aside this and they see one another with open hearts and minds.

P.S.  This is really random, but does anyone else know anything about beady buddies?  I made one the other day, and now I really want to make one in the shape of an elephant for my friend Michael.  I can't find a good one online, but if you happen to have a picture of one and could get it to me, that would be fantastic.

Dear boy at the water container.

Dear boy at the water container,

Thank you for pouring me a cup of water at lunch.  I don't know what your name is, but when I thanked you, you said "My pleasure."  Two days later, you did it again.  "My pleasure," you replied once again when I thanked you.  I've never spoken to you and I can't even honestly remember what you look like, but I really appreciate your genuine kindness.

Hopefully your future friend,

Tuesday, July 12, 2011


Tears in my eyes.
Singing angry goodbyes.
Now you’re going to see
How much it hurts to miss me.

Have you ever cared about a person?

I mean really, truly cared for them.  When they were upset, you wanted to cry.  And seeing their smile brightened your day.  When someone did them wrong, you wanted to wrong that person.  Have you ever become so emotionally reliant on a person, that not talking to them felt somehow wrong? 

Now, what if this person doesn't think about you nearly as much as you do about them?

What if they never ever leave your mind, and you never ever cross theirs?

What if you try to fall asleep at night, and toss and turn, trying to figure out what you're doing wrong and why he will never ever need you as much as you need him?

I'm there.  I've known him for ten months.  Ten months of friendship, that began to grow into something more a while ago.  Suddenly, the flower that was just beginning to bloom into something beautiful, something precious, got whacked off and he changed his mind.

Changed. His. Fucking. Mind.

I hadn't smiled the way I did, and still do, around him.

I grew a love for his family, because they all accept me and love me so much more than my own.  He and I are still friends, and he continues to lead me on, yet I know he'll never ever care for me.

When I spend time with him, he still holds me the way he used to.  And I can never bring myself to tell him to stop.

Just stop.  You're making me smile again.  You're making me blush.  You're leading me on.  Stop it.  Stop it.  Stop it.

I deserve so much more than this.

Advice, please.  I don't have many followers so I rarely get comments.  But please, please, help me out.

I may confront him and tell him, look, you can't do this to me anymore.  Love me or don't show affection at all.

Or I'll end the friendship.

My heart can't take this anymore.

Life goes on.

Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there.

~ Adam Young

Thursday, July 7, 2011

I won't go.

I wonder how many people cried before they went to sleep last night. I wonder how many people woke up with a smile.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


Do you ever have days where you just feel like you could lose it at any given moment?

Yeah, me too. Today's one of those days. I want to rip my heart out of my chest and throw it at a wall.

I just don't want to feel anything anymore.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Absurd adoration.

Golden brown eyes

study my face.

I love you so much.

I want to ask you,

"Why are you doing this to me?

You know it hurts."

Yet I let you hold me close,

And smell my hair.

I let you look into my eyes

and pretend to adore me.

I let you hug me,

Though you'll never love me.

By now,

I know the game.

And still,

I let you win.

Such a pathetically



Such a shame,

Such a shame

That my first love


and will not

love me back.

You make me crazy.

I scratch every detail into my mind

so I never forget.

These moments only come around

Every so often.

They aren't handed out like presents on Christmas.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

My Life As It Is

I think you deserve to know why I have suddenly disappeared off the blogging universe.

Well, all thirteen followers who may or may not have been wondering where I am!  I have been on summer vacation, meaning not at school.  Woo-hoo!

Summer vacation is and has and will always be a wonderful thing, that is, until they someday decide to cut it from America's school system entirely and give us two week breaks every now and then (psh, I'll be graduated by the time this awful action takes place).

No homework, no tests, no deadly exams, no teachers, much less stress.  Summer is a beautiful, beautiful thing.  So, you'd think I'd have more time to blog, right?

EERRR!  (That was my game show buzzing sound, in case you didn't pick that up.)  No summer, means dial-up internet connection.  AND WE AIN' DOIN' NONE OF THAT.

Don't fret, I am still taking the time to read all of your beautiful, lovely blogs from my cellular device that has an internet connection.  I check about 20 trillion times a day, because that's how much free time I have on my hands.  Now, I know what you're thinking.  Saria, you dimwit, why not just blog from your phone?

Well, chum.  Blogging from my phone is very displeasing and takes about ten years to type.  This is sososososo much more enjoyable.

Now, without further adoooo...

PHOTOS!  Not just any old We Heart It photos either!  Nope!  I took these!

Here is a collection of recent photos of my little sister, Sydney.  Who is three years old and very beautiful.

Monday, June 20, 2011


The heart wants what the heart wants, I suppose.

I really am a piece of work.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Look Back

Gravity pulls me down,
And my eyes become so dry.
Lost in accelerating love
That can't pick up speed to fly.

My heart,
It bends and breaks for you,
And it's so torn up,
So ripped to shreds.

Lips so crisp with a soul so sharp
Spit out "I'm not yours."
Heart as hard as stone
Doesn't flinch and carries on.

Yet every so many miles,
I look back to the one I love
And the pain in my chest
Becomes apparent.

Too young to know what love is,
To hold it in my hands.
Too young to know true heartache,
Yet it lingers where I stand.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Power of a Storm.

She sings her last verse.
His eyes speak "Fall apart, baby."
She's trembling with her words,
Just trying to continue her singing.

The moon is hanging by a single string,
Ready to fall upon them...
But they aren't searching for the light of the moon.
They seek the glow of the stars.

Storm clouds collect,
Ever so powerfully.
Rain, rain.
Rain, rain.

Their love is a mess,
Like her unbrushed hair.
A beautiful disaster.
A broken happily ever after.

"Fall apart, baby."
He holds out his arms.
"I'll hold the pieces, baby."
But she will not be broken.

She crashes to the floor,
No love left for me.
I won't fall again.
It's never meant to be.

His footsteps fade,
And her heart hardens.
But their song,
It never ends.

"Fall apart, baby. I'll love you forever."

"You cannot fix me, baby. Never."

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Melting away my fears.

Love confuses me, and though I'm still young, I don't know if this heart and mind will ever let me find it.

Someone, please explain to me this one thing. What causes you to fall in love with someone? What sets a person away from all the others, and what keeps you with them long enough to fall completely, head over heels in love with them?

It cannot be lust, there is something that makes the heart jump with a certain person. Must I wait for the answers until I've found my piece of love? I don't know if I can handle the aching of not knowing until then.

Monday, June 6, 2011

He changed his mind, but that's alright.

They always do.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A problem with the time.

I am so tired, but I cannot sleep again.

This must be insomnia. I'm sometimes awake for days at a time. It's making me insane. I cried so hard tonight.

My life isn't anymore miserable than normal, but not being able to sleep is so frustrating.

I just want some sleep. Please.

P.S. I'm sorry if this looks stupid. I'm typing on my phone. "/

I guess this is how it's going to be.

He is the sunset,
slowly slipping away from me.

Come again tommorow, dear.

Come again, come again.

Friday, May 27, 2011

I am still painting flowers for you.

This summer, I want to fall hopelessly in love with fashion.

This summer, I want to fall hopelessly in love with photography.  And buy a nice, fancy, professional camera.

This summer, I want to learn to love my body.

This summer, I want to fall passionately in love with life.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll fall hopelessly, passionately in love.