Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A problem with the time.

I am so tired, but I cannot sleep again.

This must be insomnia. I'm sometimes awake for days at a time. It's making me insane. I cried so hard tonight.

My life isn't anymore miserable than normal, but not being able to sleep is so frustrating.

I just want some sleep. Please.

P.S. I'm sorry if this looks stupid. I'm typing on my phone. "/

I guess this is how it's going to be.

He is the sunset,
slowly slipping away from me.

Come again tommorow, dear.

Come again, come again.

Friday, May 27, 2011

I am still painting flowers for you.

This summer, I want to fall hopelessly in love with fashion.

This summer, I want to fall hopelessly in love with photography.  And buy a nice, fancy, professional camera.

This summer, I want to learn to love my body.

This summer, I want to fall passionately in love with life.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll fall hopelessly, passionately in love.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

One step forward, two steps back.

I don't know what's harder.

Waiting around for something that may not ever happen...or walking away from something that almost did.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Baby, I was born this way.

For those of you who don't know, which is most likely everyone who reads this blog...tommorow is Born This Way Day!

What in the world are you talking about now?

Good question!  It started with a Facebook event invitation, from my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend.

I know right.

She ever-so-thoughtfully invited me to this event, titled Born This Way Day.

Ever watch Glee?

Me niether.

However, apparently there's this episode where the kids are wearing t-shirts with their biggest insecurity written on them.  So some brilliant girl decides that we (whoever you want "we" to be) do something kind of like that.

Her idea is getting a white t-shirt, and writing (or painting or whatever) your biggest insecurity on the front of your shirt.

Yeah, kinda like this.

I, for one, will surely be participating, and I encourage you too as well!  Have fun with this guys, cause baby you were born this way. (; 

Friday, May 20, 2011


Heeey, so I have a question.

People keep telling me to make a Tumblr.  I already have a blog.  Is it necessary?

Thursday, May 19, 2011

I wish I could tell you this.

I see you, darling.  You're leaking vulnerability, now please..show me me the rest of your heart.  Let me know.  Pretty please.

Those big, brown eyes with hints of amber.  They get me every time.  Every single time.

I try so hard to forget.  I try so hard to walk away.

No more pain.  This heart is worn out.  No more.

How do you make me forget?

How do you make me smile like this?

You have me blushing.  You have me giggling.

You had me throw myself onto my bed and squeal.


Time together is just never quite enough 

When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home 

What will it take to make or break this hint of love? 

We need time, only time

When we’re apart whatever are you thinking of? 

If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?

So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love?

All the time, all the time.

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Unwinding Cable Car

Backing away from the problem of pain you never had a home
You've been misguided, you're hiding in shadows for so very long
Don't you believe that you've been deceived that you're no better than...
The hair in your eyes, it never disguised what you're really thinking of
This is the correlation of salvation and love
(Don't drop your arms)
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in

This is the correlation of salvation and love
(Don't drop your arms)
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in

You're so brilliant, don't soon forget
You're so brilliant, grace marked your heart
You're so brilliant, don't soon forget
You're so brilliant, grace marked your heart


Sunday, May 15, 2011

Music speaks,,,;

I'm sorry, I haven't blogged much here lately.

I've just been so busy!  I haven't had much time to do it here lately.  However, I have the time now.  I just have so much to say and I don't want to type a big long post about everything.

I just found out yesterday that I got into the choir I wanted to be in.  It's the best of the best in my school, and I'm so happy.  Right now, it's made up of juniors and seniors, and I'm going to be in it as a sophmore.

Yes, I am very, very happy about this. (:

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Friday, May 6, 2011

within me.

Look at her.  Look at how happy she is.

I want to feel like that.  I want to throw my head back and just smile bigger than I've ever smiled.

I want to feel free.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

See, I'm so young..

My life feels empty, and I know I need a change.  But what am I supposed to change?

Why am I so unhappy?

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Somebody ought to call the fashion police on me.

That's right, third post today!(:

I'm itching to go shopping.

I went through a punk-tomboy phase, where all I wore was black t-shirts and skinny jeans.  And guess what.  I want a skirt.  I want three skirts.  I want pretty, girly clothes that make me feel feminine.

Disposed about the binding.

It's just one of those days.

Lost dreams, happy memories.

I had the strangest dream.

A previous boyfriend, who was once my best friend and helped me through depression was mine again.

Now believe me, I have no feelings for him anymore, however, this dream...

He was sitting with his face so near to me, whispering into my ear repeatedly, "I want to murder you, my dear."

Rather than being taken back by the mortifying words, I blushed and my heart burst, sending warmth through my veins.

What?  Why?

I do not know.  Dreams can be messy.

I awoke with sadness, relief, and confusion.

Sadness, because he is no longer making me smile.  Relief, for I did not make the mistake of taking him to be mine again.  And confusion because...well..."I want to murder you, my dear?"  What the hell?

The words are poisionous, as were his actions.  Lips to my ear, so close, wanting.

That's what he truly did too, not just in dreams.  He didn't say he wanted to murder me, he sweet  talked me.  But it was poisonous, nonetheless, because he didn't mean what he said.  He created an illusion in my mind that I was being loved, when really, he was only looking out for himself.  He whispered poison into my ears and allowed my heart to shoot fireworks up through my brain.